Canadian Politics from Canada's Centre

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Martin: Entire Budget to Ontario and Montreal - Quoted

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This from Derision 2006. It's a short news blurb style, and damned funny. I wish I could learn from them for the QOTD.

Hours before voting, Martin pledges to spend entire federal budget in Ontario, Montreal.
January 22, 2006 03:13PM (EST)
TORONTO (CNB) – Attempting to shore-up support in vote-rich Ontario and Montreal just hours before election day, Liberal Leader Paul Martin has promised to spend Canada’s entire $210 billion budget in Ontario and the Montreal region. “In these difficult days we have to make hard choices,” said Martin. “Electing a Liberal government may lead some Albertans to become more self-sufficient, but for Ontario and Montreal, ooooo baby!”

They have plenty more great material, like:

Harper promises tax rebates for gay divorce.
TORONTO (CPB) – Conservative Leader Stephen Harper made his final policy announcement of the election at a campaign stop in Toronto, pledging massive tax rebates for gay couples whose marriage dissolves. “My party is committed to protecting the rights of gays,” said Harper. “But hey, if things don’t work out, don’t worry about paying your taxes for two or three years. It’s all good.”

Harper promises Medicare with “a tier for everyone.”
WATERDOWN, ON (CS) – Speaking at a scheduled press conference this morning, Conservative Leader Stephen Harper outlined his party’s strategy for a renewed health care system. “I understand and appreciate the diversity in Canada’s population,” said Harper. “And that diversity will be reflected in our approach to health care. Each Canadian will be assigned a Medicare tier that’s tailored to meet their needs. A tier for everyone and everyone in their tier – that’s Conservative Medicare.

Behind in polls, Martin forms crack "Grittier Grits" team.
TORONTO (CDM) –Facing an uphill battle in the final days of the election, Paul Martin has formed an elite squad of "Grittier Grits" to attack the Conservatives mercilessly. "Our Grittier Grits will throw snowballs at Solberg,” said Martin. “They will cross-check Clement, and they will heckle Harper. In this election, it's our weakness that's been our weakness. Now, the Grittier Grits will take the fight right to the enemy.”

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